WHY I WRITE

I have been blogging off and on now for about six years, but I’ve been writing and journaling most of my life.    My first memory of keeping a “journal”, of sorts, was a time in 3^rd grade when my dad was in the hospital having back surgery and I was staying with relatives.  Unfortunately, over the years, my search for what I had written was never found; I must have inadvertently discarded it.  When I was in high school, each day we would have a journal topic in my English class on which we would have to write.  While I was in college, I kept a journal of my journey to self-acceptance, changes and, eventually, my coming out.   Through the years, I have kept prayer journals (I prefer to write letters to God rather that audibly pray) and when blogging became a popular medium, I began blogging as a way of getting thoughts outside of my head, and sharing them with friends. 

I write for several reasons.   Mostly, I write because it is a cathartic activity; it allows me to calm a restless mind.   Writing also gives me the opportunity to keep a tangible record of my thoughts, emotions and viewpoints that I can later go back and reference.   Sometimes, my writing inspires others, and sometimes it inspires me. 

Words are fascinating to me.   While I freely admit that I have never really been a fan of reading, I do enjoy writing.   As an adult, when I do read, I enjoy reading essays or stories that are true (or perhaps amusingly embellished).   I can identify with the writing styles of David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs.   I write because I am, by nature, an introspective person. 

Here’s my confession:  I am fully aware that my writings are not for everyone.  I’m aware that there are people who could care less about what I have to say—and that is totally ok. Sure, I like knowing that what I’m going through or have gone through and how I write about it may touch someone in a way that will encourage them, give them insight into who I am or even give me advice on something I’m going through, but that’s not why I write. I write because it is a vehicle for me to express myself, it is a healthy way for me to keep in touch with myself, and it is something I believe I do well.   Maybe one day I will publish my stories, maybe not.  I don’t ever expect that I will win great accolades for my writing, but anything is possible.   The promise I can make to myself is that as long as I have the ability, I will continue to pursue the passion I have for writing.

ONE MONTH...AND WHERE AM I?

It’s hard to believe that a month has passed since I gathered with my friends to celebrate my 40th birthday.   Lots of questions come to mind as I recall the last month of my life.  Does 40 feel any different? Have I made any significant changes in my life?  Am I happy with where I am? If not, what are my roadblocks and what am I going to do to overcome my obstacles? 

If I’m being completely truthful, nothing has really changed in my life since I turned 40. After entering my new decade, I don’t feel any different, look any different or really act any different.   There haven’t been any significant changes in my life.   Essentially, the only thing that has changed is that I am officially 40. 

However, I must enter the confessional for a few minutes.   I have taken a break from blogging for most of the month, partly out of laziness and partly because I haven’t found any topics about which I felt passionate enough to write.  Writing, I must admit, while it isn’t always easy, is cathartic.   And, well, writing is something I MUST do it more often.

Am I happy with where I am in life?  Honestly? No.  However, the truth of the matter is that I can’t blame anyone other than myself.  It’s time to dust off the list of goals and put action behind them.  Before tonight, haven’t been to the gym in a couple of weeks—partly because I was sick last week, but MOSTLY because I’ve been lazy. One thing I am happy about is that I have spent a little more time at the piano learning new repertoire.   Yet, that barely scratches the surface on the “things I really need to do” list in my mind.

Here is my confession:  As I’ve contemplated where I am, where I am heading and how I will go about getting there, I have realized that I tend to have too many things on my plate at one time.  I'm a procrastinator to the N^th degree.   The time is now to really, REALLY examine my goals, to prioritize those goals and stop thinking and start doing.   I've already let a precious month slip by with no plan.  That ends today.   What really matters?  Taking care of my body—physically, spiritually and intellectually are crucial to me, along with being accountable to myself financially.  

Significant changes will only occur one step at a time, one day at a time.  Overwhelming myself with large goals is not the solution, and, I imagine will only serve to stagnate my progress rather than propel me forward.  I believe the solution is to stop once again, look at the man in the mirror, and for once take a long, close look, and ask him to change his ways.   At the end of the day, I have to answer to the man in the mirror.   Tomorrow is a new day, and when I visit my progress one month from now, I hope I will be pleased with how far I have come.   Goals: get ready.  I’m coming for you.