FIVE BULLET GRATITUDE FRIDAY 01.29.16

FIVE BULLET GRATITUDE FRIDAY 01.29.16

I am taking an idea from a popular blog I read.  The author sends out a “Five Bullet Friday” email each week telling five things he’s working on, what inspired him during the week, a product he has found, etc.  In keeping with the theme that I started when I began blogging several years ago, I have decided to adapt his approach in my weekly “Gratitude Blog”. 

This week I am grateful for:

•      FRIENDSHIPS

Relationships are something I try to never take for granted. I strive to be the friend that a friend wants to have. I want to be there to provide support, laughter, and most of all, love.   Most of my friends and I do not live close to one another. We are scattered in different places throughout the country. Therefore, the vast majority of our correspondences are via text messages or interactions on facebook.  What I truly love about friendships is a connection that is deep.  This week I’ve been in touch with several friends each day.  Those who take time out of their busy day to just say “Hey…thinking about you.”  or “ How’s it going?” are golden to me. I’m grateful that I have more than one person in my life who truly cares about me, because no matter how alone I feel in the world, the truth is, that I have people in many different directions who truly care about me, my well-being and listen to what is going on.

•       MUSIC

I am a musician. I am a pianist, I am a vocalist. I’m grateful for the moments I had time to really sit down and practice my passion, the piano, this week. Even though I have studied music for more than two decades, I have areas of weakness-rhythm. I have been able to sit down and concentrate with a metronome in hopes of continually improving-especially in the areas where I am weakest. I’m grateful for the musical skills I have been given. I’m grateful for opportunities I’ve had in the past to share the skills on a larger scale, and for the patience my roommates give me as I give them mini concerts and when they hear “well, crap!” when I hit a wrong note or can’t just nail a rhythm.

•       THINKING

A friend told me today in a text “you’re always thinking”.  It’s true. I’m always thinking. I’m always trying to figure out how to be a better version of myself. I’m not always successful, and in the spirit of being completely honest, there are often way too many things I want to do to make my life more the way I want it to be that I often just spin my wheels. But I am grateful for the ability to think, to attempt to put things in perspective for myself. I’m a work in progress. Always.

•      HOME

I’m grateful for my roommates who have unselfishly made a place for me in my transition here in Nashville.  We call ourselves the Golden Girls…and since I haven’t been able to come up with names for them for the purpose of the blog, I’ll refer to them by their character names: Dorothy and Sophia. I’m so grateful to share a space with you, and thanks for never tiring of my stories of St. Olaf. You’ve both taught me so much about life in less than two months. Thanks for welcoming Rose into the house.

•       QUOTE THAT SPOKE TO ME:

Almost everyday I post at least one quote on facebook. The purpose is primarily to encourage myself where I am on my own personal Journey, but there’s often a ripple effect with the quotes I share.  I always say the quotes find me. This quote spoke to me deeply this week, and truly exemplifies my passion for living with intention:

"The mindless junk of your past crowds out opportunities and sets pointless limitations. Move out the junk, and you create room for the rest of your life. Ultimately, it's not just a question of tidying your house; it's a question of liberating your heart."—Merlin Mann

Here’s my confession: It may look like I’m a happy person from my facebook posts. I may look like I have everything together. It may appear that I never have a bad day. Sometimes I do complain. Sometimes I do get discouraged. Sometimes I keep those thoughts to myself or to my own private journal entries. The truth of the matter is that I’m as broken as the next guy. I am a flawed, vulnerable, scared man just trying to live in the only thing that is guaranteed: This. Present. Moment. There are times that I fret. There are times that I worry. There are times that I don’t understand where I’m headed.  I confess that sometimes I can’t see the forest for the trees. Sometimes I am a “glass half empty” kind of guy.  At my darkest moments, I try to have a positive perspective. I would lose what I have of my mind were I to not adopt this perspective.  Sometimes, even looking at things from a positive vantage point, I still feel hopeless. But…Everything shall pass. Everything works out exactly as it is supposed to. Everything is made beautiful in its own time. That doesn’t mean that I have permission to sit on the sidelines and just let things happen. I have to be active, and for me, the greatest activity in which I can engage myself is being grateful for the experiences that come my way. Living life with a grateful heart is the key to unlocking a life of whole-hearted living, and I challenge you to do the same.

HELLO

“Hello, it’s me.  I was wondering if you would like to meet to go over everything...”

About all the running from life you’ve been doing, the procrastination, the distractions you create for yourself? Can we go over the fears—of rejection, failure, and vulnerability? Can we talk about what really tears you apart—the search for love, the loss of your job, your move, the incessant need for validation? How about those voices that love to taunt you?   You know them—they are the voices inside your head who love to taunt you at the slightest sign of doubt or weakness, and sometimes even at the moment of complete happiness.  I can see that you are pondering your purpose, second guessing decisions, asking if you are really where you belong.  I can see that you are bogged down by “stuff”-an overabundance of possessions you don’t really need or want, the desire to purge, and then only adding more things on top of what is already too much. It’s all too much. It’s all extraneous. It’s all mind clutter.

Here’s my confession: Above is a paraphrase of an actual conversation (journal entry) I had with myself a few weeks ago. Since I last wrote on my blog, so many things have changed. I’m in the midst of what I can only call a “Journey”.  I’ve changed jobs, I’ve lost the job I went to. I’ve moved to another city and state. I’ve gone from living alone to living with other people.  I’m looking for a job, and learning to listen to myself.

A question I’m often asked is “Why did you leave Birmingham?” The short answer is that it was time for a change. It was time to escape from my comfort zone. I’ve found that to be such an incredibly humbling experience. I’ve found that you can change your address, but the demons away from which you run always know your forwarding address. I love Birmingham, and suppose I always will. I don’t know if I have moved permanently or just for this season of my life. I spent 18 years in Birmingham, and that is the majority of my adult life. That of which I am certain is that I know that after lots of contemplation, personal journaling and prayer, that where I am today is exactly where I need to be on this Journey.   Going back to Birmingham at this juncture would be one of the greatest disservices I could do to myself. I do not know why I am in Nashville. That part has not been revealed to me. It is my faith that is keeping me strong. It is my network of friends both near and far who lift me up. It is my own courage that keeps me grounded. It is a courage that as author Mary Anne Radmacher says “doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”  Leaving my comfort zone is one of the most essential elements of my Journey. It is also one of the most painful.

I’ve been lost and searching for a long time, even before leaving Birmingham.  There is mental clutter that is blinding me. There are lots of “things” in my life that keep me from living to my full potential.  Over the last year I have eliminated so much physical clutter in my life. I have purged so many things. My goal is to simplify my life. For Lent last year I gave up clutter. And I purged, and I purged, and I purged a little bit more. Then it came time for me to move. And I purged, and I purged, and I purged a little more.  And still I purge. Yet, it seems that the more I eliminate, the more I acquire. I have become such a fan of Marie Kondo, who wrote the incredible books “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” and “Spark Joy”.  In short, she says to only keep those things that spark joy. Ignore sentimentality, store things in a certain way. And while some of my friends have looked at me like I have completely lost my mind, still I work diligently eliminating clutter, searching for peace and making my living space a place that sparks joy. It takes a lot of work, it takes a lot of effort. And so I continue to work diligently to spark joy in my life.

I think my greatest accomplishment to date has been being a church pianist. I am being honest with everyone and myself when I admit that I am far from perfect as a musician. Giving up my position as a church pianist in Birmingham was the most agonizing decisions of my move. Finding a pianist position in Nashville has not been forthcoming, but I’ve also realized that it is a time for me to be ministered to in the pew. I’m fortunate that my childhood dream has been realized, having been a pianist. And I hope one day to return to that role somewhere.

I’ve met some amazing people on this Journey in Nashville. One of the first people I met was Kevin, who is the best friend of one of my roommates.  Kevin is, among many other amazing things, a singer/songwriter. One truth I’ve learned in my Journey is in a song lyric written by Kevin: “Sometimes you gotta wave ‘goodbye’ to say ‘hello’, you gotta say ‘yes’ to say ‘no’.” And, so it is with my life. And so on the journey continues, this is my story, this is my song...