Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

It is difficult to believe that fourteen years ago today you breathed your last breath here on earth.   I am told you went suddenly, quickly, and certainly unexpectedly, although you had battled cancer for some time.  You had spent the previous day celebrating Palm Sunday, your first time going to church in some time, because you finally felt well enough to attend.  Then, Monday, you spent the day with my mother.   It was reported to me that only moments after my mother left,  that you raised your arms, called out to grandpa, who was in the chair across from you, and you collapsed.   Suddenly, you were gone.  

I've really had no doubt over time that you knew you'd be leaving when you did.   You had suffered, treatments had taken their toll on you, and I knew weeks earlier when you sent what was to be your last letter to me and your handwriting was tiny, crooked and not absolutely perfect,  that you were declining.   

Here's my confession:  I miss you every single day.  I miss what might have been had you been around longer.   I miss the trips to Birmingham you never made, I miss the understanding I'm sure you would have gained about me and my life.  I miss the confidences we would have shared, the memories we would have made, the pictures we'll never get to take.   I miss the letters we would have exchanged.   I miss thinking you'd love being on facebook, and that we would be connected that way. I miss the voice of harmony you'd have surely brought to our family.  

You were my greatest champion.  Because of you, I believe I was able to learn music, to go to college, and to experience so much more from life.  You, I believe, are to be credited with most of the positive nurturing I ever received as a child.   I know that while you were alive, especially in those final few years, you and I didn't see eye to eye.   Shortly before you left, you asked forgiveness for the things between us.   

I remember our final few moments fondly.   It was just you, me, the pastor and my parents alone with you in Piney church.   I knew it was your wish to have the funeral there, but I didn't get a vote, so your funeral was at the funeral home chapel, but I was allowed the honor of saying good-bye to you exactly where you would have wanted.   I remember waking up the morning of the burial, and I very clearly heard your voice tell me it was ok, and that I had done my best to carry out your wishes.  

Today, I lift my cup to you, in honor of a life well lived, of countless lives you touched.  Yours was a life lived with a simplicity, grace and class to which I shall always aspire.  I am proud to be your grandchild.   I can only imagine the mysteries of faith you've had revealed to you, the fullness of life that became yours as you passed from death to life.   Above all, I'm grateful that you are with me at all times-in my heart, my mind, and in my life.   Thank you.  Love, me