I THINK…

Where does the time go? It has been a month and a half since my last posting. I had planned to do so much better. I had planned to write about my Lenten journey, my life, my dreams, my hopes, and none of that has happened. Tonight, I pause just to dust off the blog and share a few thoughts.

Where to start? What to write? I'm truly writing from the top of my head and from my fingertips tonight. There's no rhyme or reason as to what I'm going to write, no formula. It's just random, stream of consciousness writing. I'm sitting down, typing, and what comes out, comes out.

I spend a lot of my time thinking. I think of my life, my accomplishments, my failures, the things I would like to accomplish. I think of finances, of goals. I think of fears. I think of the yesterdays that have passed over which I have no control and the tomorrows over which I have some control. I think of the motivational quotes I often post for my friends and, indeed, myself, on facebook. I think of relationships--I think of stupid pride and forgiveness denied. I think of fear and resentment, two poisions which will, no dobut, wear down a soul.

Most of my really amazing, awesome "I SHOULD TOTALLY BLOG ABOUT THAT" topics come to me at the most inopportune times, you know, like when I'm driving down the interestate, at the gym, or in the shower. You know, those times when your thoughts are lucid and vivid and, alas, you have no opportunty to sit down and record those thoughts. That seems to be a struggle, a battle of sorts.

I think of the accomplishments for which I am most proud. I'm proud of the amount of time and effort that I've been putting into my piano practice. Some days i am fortuanate enough to be able to sit down and "sight read" pieces of music for an hour, two hours or more, yet others where I'm too tired to even bother touching the piano. Yet, I can tell that my practice has been paying off. My forcing myself to go to the gym is getting better, as well, and while most people perceive me to be "skinny" or "thin as a rail", I do sometimes struggle with my body image because it's not as toned as I would prefer.

I think of, well, practially everything under the sun. And what am I doing about it?

Here's my Confesion: I think I need to learn the art of patience, of letting go and of being content. Sometimes I cause myself needless stress by just hanging on to baggage I need to send to the wind. Anxiety, stress and fear are constant companions, but why? If I'm honest, I pretty much already have everything I need. Life isn't easy. I think what I long for most in this life is peace. I suppose my deeply pensive nature is just a part of who I am. Hopefully, I will be able to capture more of those pensive thoughts and turn them in to blog postings. Jesus said "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."-John 14:27. I would do well to remember that.