Monday, September 30, 2013

AN OPEN LETTER TO MYSELF AS A CHILD


                                                                                                      30 September 2013

Dear Second Grade Me,

So, it’s the fall of 1981 and here you are in Miss Cole’s second grade class.   It hasn’t really sunk in to you yet that you are repeating the second grade.   Lots of things you are experiencing now don’t make sense to you yet.  What I’m about to tell you will become clear to you as you grow up, although, I’m going to be honest with you, some of the things may not really become clear to you for many years.   However, trust me, while there are things right now that you can’t even begin to understand, in a few years, you will.  

You don’t really have a name for it right now, but you know how you don’t really like girls but you like the boys? It’s because you are gay.  That means you are a boy who likes boys. As you grow up, some people will want to use this against you to bully you, to make fun of you, and to make you feel like you are a bad person, undeserving of the same rights and freedoms as everyone else.  You just stay strong.   It’s going to be ok.   Sure, you’ll endure some name calling, but there will always be people on your side.   Some of those people who are mean to you today don’t know any better.  One day they will understand, and not only will they respect you; they will become some of your biggest fans.  You see, in your lifetime, you’re going to see what are called “openly gay” people on television, in movies…even in your daily life.   You will be an agent of change just by showing those around you that you are proud of yourself.  Oh, it won’t be an easy road.  Actually, it’s going to be quite a scary place at times.  You’ll cry.   You’ll laugh.  You’ll want to give up.   But you won’t.  You’ll keep going, because you’re going to have friends who support you every step of the way.

Speaking of friends, I know how you often feel very lonely right now, even if it is something you don’t recognize.   The truth is you don’t even know right now that the people in your class have sleepovers and have birthday parties on the weekends to which you aren’t ever invited. You’re blissfully unaware.  You’ll have some very close friends one day, but don’t worry—it won’t happen until you are in college and even well into adulthood, but it WILL happen.

One day, you’ll wake up and realize that while life isn’t perfect, that you really do have everything you need.   Here’s a sneak peak of your life by the time you get to 40.   You’ll not only learn music, after high school you’ll go on to earn a Bachelor of Arts in Voice, so when your parents keep telling you “no” every time you ask for piano lessons, it’s ok, because one day you will grow up and share the gift of music with others. Don’t worry about being the last kid chosen to play games at recess.   Sports isn’t your thing, anyway.  There are a few things you will regret as you get older—you’ll wish you had learned to read more and that you had been encouraged to read for pleasure.  Something you’re going to find really cool when you get older is that “Miss Cole” will become someone you respect a lot, even going so far as to call her a friend. You, after all, were part of her first class.  Oh, and that thing about repeating the second grade?  You’ll come consider that one of the greatest things your parents EVER did for you. Many years from now, you’ll reconnect with her on a place called “facebook”—I won’t spoil the surprise for the future, but facebook is something of which almost everyone is a part.     One more thing…next year, in 1982, The World’s Fair will be in Knoxville.   You’ll have the chance to go a few times.   Be sure to soak up every little moment that you can.  It will be something really neat to say you were a part of when you get older. 

Here’s my confession:  In some ways, I think it would have been nice to have a letter from the future telling us how things would turn out.   Yet, at the same time, I have to confess, I like the adventure of not knowing everything.  Isn’t it the blind experiences of life that help create who we are?  What I have learned in my 40 years on earth is that in the grand scheme of things, that life is pretty good.   Everything that happens is for a reason, and usually builds on other events.  Rainbows are one of the most beautiful visions known to humans—however, in order for a rainbow to appear, we have to endure a little bit of rain.  So it is with life.   Storms come, we get battered then the rainbow appears.   So it has been with my life. 

Love,
me

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