1 October 2013
Dear Lee,
You are my best
friend, and even though we have miles between us, I know if I had a need, you
would drop everything to come to my side. It's always been that way,
since the very beginning. You were just a freshman in college when we
met. I was already a junior, but we hit it off instantly. We were,
somehow on one another's level. You were one of the first people I had
that "coming out" talk with. You never seemed to let it faze
you one iota. You never tried to change me, you just listened. You wiped
tears. You stood strong. Being my friend may have not been easy. I
know the rumors went around. But you never let it come between our
friendship. Every single day, you were there, supporting me, helping me
with homework, just being there. You know I never had any siblings.
Even if I had siblings, I can't imagine the bond would be as strong as what we
have shared for over 19 years.
Oh the memories I
have of you! The spring break trip we took to D.C. in '95--and you were
afraid to say "Yeah, I have no idea where I parked your car." We
obviously found it. Somehow. There were the trips we took to see
Southern Gospel shows, the spontaneous trip we took one Saturday to Asheville,
NC, and the horrible visits I had to your hometown-every single time seemed a
little more tragic than the last. How many Waffle Houses have we
explored? How much money did we spend at Wendy's in that sleepy college town?
How many UNO games have we played? Oh,and let's not forget that TRUTH and Ronnie Milsap have given us some
of the best music on the planet.
I will never forget
the night I looked at you in January, 1996, after a particularly stressful time
in my life, having received a harassing phone call on our answering machine,
and I said "I have to be honest and tell my parents that I'm gay. I
can't live like this anymore." As always, you were my biggest supporter.
And, when just a few weeks later, I went home to give my parents the news, you
were the first person I called afterwards. Then, as with many of the
other difficult moments in life, you've been there. When the news of my
grandmother's death came, you and Jane were living here in Birmingham. I
was so numb. I know I didn't cry, but you knew my heart was broken.
Thank you for being there.
Not only sad
moments, but you've been part of happy moments, too. We graduated
together, you begrudgingly attended my confirmation when I became Catholic.
I was honored to stand beside you on the day you married Jane and was just as
honored when you stood beside me as Parker and I made our (short-lived)
commitment to one another. Perhaps the height of happiness was having you
here in Birmingham this summer as I celebrated my 40th birthday.
I always thought
that it was I who was most changed by our friendship. What I never
realized until a few years later, until I read a blog you wrote many years ago,
is that you changed, too. Watching your best friend come to terms with
his sexual orientation, the struggles with God, changed you. Those events
challenged you to the core. While my faith would grow stronger, yours is
the one that went the other direction. We were, it seems, seekers on a
journey. The only thing that was certain by the time we left our Southern
Baptist college is that while we both went in as strong Southern Baptists, we
would graduate questioning that faith tradition. I had already moved on
to my transitional home in the United Methodist Church, and you were still on
your journey.
Here's my
confession: I couldn't have ordered a better friend, brother or confidant
had I been given a catalog. You have, since day number one, never
waivered in your dedication and friendship. I can only hope I've been as
great a friend to you. And, well, even though I didn't expect you and
Jane to last more than a couple of weeks...you've had a relationship now of 18
years, 13 of which have been in marriage. Thanks for giving me a
"best-friend in law" and "nieces" and a "nephew"
I'd have never had. And, as I close, I quote from the musical
"Wicked"..."who can say if I've been changed for the better,
but, because I knew you, I have been changed For Good." Thank you,
my brother, my friend. Though it is often just a thing that is understood
and not verbalized: I love you.
Love,
Love,
rkt
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