9 October 2013
Dear
Bullies,
Today is Anti-Bullying Awareness Day. I’d
like to take this opportunity to let you know that I am alive and well. Oh, you may have bullied me in elementary
school, junior high, high school, college or at any other point in my 40 years
of living. You won a few battles, but you
didn’t win the war.
Maybe
I was an easy target. I was rather quiet,
shy, and a bit of a loner. Maybe I was not masculine enough
by your standards. Maybe I was too
honest about parts of my life. Maybe
you picked on me because I lacked athletic abilities or because I was involved
with music. Maybe you picked on me
because you honestly didn’t like something about yourself and needed somewhere,
someone on whom to direct your misguided anger. Whatever the reason, I want to
thank you because while you silently broke my spirit, deep inside, you made me
stronger.
Maybe
you were that jock (I use the term loosely) in high school who pulled down your
shorts and exposed yourself in the window while I sat in the school office
typing a research paper when I was a Junior. Maybe you were
that kid in sixth grade who pushed me so hard I fell out of a swing and lost my
breath for a few minutes. Maybe you were
the athletes behind me in Geography in 10th grade who thought it would be cute
to blow on my ears and utter demeaning things about my (still publicly
undisclosed at the time) sexuality. Maybe you were on the college track team
and got your kicks by leaving harassing messages on my answering machine. Maybe you were one of many who tried to
break me with your words in junior high who made me hate being at school so
much that I begged to transfer to another school for high school, which, thankfully, after my
freshman year, I was able to do. While that didn’t prove to be a cure-all, it
certainly gave me a new start, and other than the few isolated incidences mentioned
above, I was treated with respect.
Maybe
you were a teacher or friend who saw what was happening. If you did, Thank You. But, maybe you didn’t. It’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up over it. When I was in the Seventh grade, my gym
teacher sheltered me from the harassment and embarrassment of Junior High Gym class—and tried to
include me in football and basketball, but ultimately put me on duty to just
clean the locker room during gym class.
Why did he do it? I’ll never
know, but wherever you are, Mr. Johnson, thank you. Maybe you were a friend in
college who comforted me. Thank
you. Maybe you are an adult now and we
grew up together but weren’t close then.
I’m amazed at how incredible the kids I thought I had nothing in common
with “back then” are now some of the most amazing people I know today. Some of you are now teachers yourself. (Thank you Heather). I hope that my stories have helped you see
what happens in some child’s life every single day. I
hope that you will do everything in your power to help that child know he or
she is loved. It really is, in many
cases, a difference between life and death.
Here’s
my confession: The broken, friendless, marginalized
of our society. The nerd, the quiet
kid, the gay (actually or perceived).
The black, the white, the rich, the poor. NONE of us is immune from a bully’s
terror. We think of bulling being something
that only happens to kids. It doesn’t. It can happen to anyone at any point in life. Bullying doesn’t just involve physical
actions, but oftentimes words cut much more deeply and break the spirit.
I don’t
want to be overly dramatic here, but, yes, there were times in my life when I
was the victim of a bully’s actions. I’m
one of the lucky ones, I suppose. I was
strong enough to rise above the hurt.
Today, I’m a 40 year old. I don’t
flaunt my sexual orientation, but I sure as hell don’t go out of my way to hide
it. I found that when I surrendered to
the person I was created to be, and learned to love myself, that is when I
found freedom.
If you
are an adult and you have the awesome responsibility of caring for children in
any capacity, please watch them. Listen
to them. If you can’t help them, find someone who can. Today is probably a more
frightening time to be a child—because oftentimes bullying can occur in a text
message or in social media. Be aware. I
never recall going home and saying “Oh, guess what, I was picked on today at
school.” And your kid is likely in the
same boat. It’s often what your kids are
most afraid to tell you that holds them captive.
Don’t
allow the lie that “Kids will be kids” to go on one day longer. Teach respect. Live respect. Demand respect. Someone’s life depends on it.
Respectfully Yours,
rkt
Respectfully Yours,
rkt
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