31 October 2013
Dear Me,
There are some things I really want you to
know. Having spent more than forty years together, I find myself uniquely
qualified to speak to you and give voice to what is going on inside your
head. Please read this with love, as that is my intention. I write
not to criticize you, but to point out what you, in your heart, already know.
You don’t always feel like it, but you are always
in control. You’re in control of your emotions, your fears, your hopes,
and your dreams. You can allow yourself to rise above your fears or be
held captive by them. You’re not a victim of your past, unless that is
what you allow. Certainly, there are days when you feel
defeated. I see that. I feel that. I know that. You
feel as though you have let so much of your life slip away. You think,
“Ok, here I am at 40 and what to I have to show for it?” I’ll tell you
what you have to show for it: You have the richness of a network of
friends who love you in spite of yourself. You have a college degree—and
while music is important to you and provides you much enjoyment and supplements
your income—it’s not the degree that is important. It is the dedication
you put in (whether minimal or not) to achieve your degree; it is the people
you met along the way who helped you discover “you”; it is the determination
that you were going to finish the degree—it was never a question that you would
achieve a bachelor’s degree. Sometimes you are too incredibly hard on
yourself. You've already achieved more than many people, simply by not
dropping out of college. Cut yourself some slack.
You want to go back to school, but you are
afraid. You're afraid of the test to get in, you're afraid of the cost,
you're afraid of the investment of time. And, those are all valid
concerns. But, why should you allow those fears to paralyze you?
What if your dream is just out there...slightly beyond reach, and you go to
capture it? What if you catch it? How long are you going to make
excuses to yourself? Do you want to regret the things you never even tried when
your time to transition out of this life comes, or do you want to be proud of
the things you attempted?
Who are you, and what do you really want? If you
want to write, you should write. If you want to be a concert pianist, you
should become a concert pianist. If you want to marry your love for any
of the arts into a career to change lives, go ahead, quell the fears and become
a teacher. The sky is the limit, baby. If you can set that intention, you can and will go
places. This is true in
every single aspect of your life—your career, your hobbies, friendships,
relationships, and even your spiritual practices.
Sometimes, often even, it can be
overwhelming. And you know
what? That’s ok. You just pause, take a deep
breath, and carry on. Find a
friend if you need to talk. You
have a support system. You’re
going to make it, kiddo.
Never underestimate yourself and always speak positive words over your
life. It’s the only option.
Here’s my confession: THIS was a difficult letter to write. It was so difficult to write, that I
have started to write it no less than five times over the last week alone…and
have had it in my head for over a month, but the words were not ready to be
born yet. Tonight, they came
to life in a very real and powerful way. I must learn to get out of my own way so that I can
become whatever it is that I want to be.
I need to learn to be more forgiving of myself, yet never tire of
propelling myself onward. Even on
the days I feel I have nothing to offer, it seems that I am a messenger of
something to someone. Where
will the future lead me? I don’t
know. But I know that I have to make a concerted effort to stay focused,
positive and use my resources to the best of my abilities.
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