LEO VITAE

“Leo vitae” is Latin for evaluation of life.  There are a few times of the year I like to call benchmarks.  These are the times that I regularly gather my thoughts, evaluate who and where I am, and set new resolutions, goals and plans and create a new strategy.   Traditionally, there are three of these for me each year.   The first is January 1—the time everyone makes “New Year’s Resolutions”.  The second is the season on the liturgical calendar called “Lent”.  For those of you unfamiliar with “Lent”, is the six weeks from Ash Wednesday to Holy Thursday.   Christian tradition holds that this is a time of the year when the faithful “give up” something in their lives that hold them back spiritually, in order to grow.   For me, I usually use “Lent” as a time to take on something rather than giving something up.  One of my common Lenten sacrifices is to force myself to go to the gym more or to possibly spend more time writing my prayers (because I seldom speak my prayers, I write letters to God).   The third time of the year begins on July 20, which is my birthday.   I use that date as a springboard from which to jump with new ideas, to eliminate things that I don’t need in my life, to embrace the things that I do need, and to say “Ok, where am I today? Where do I want to be in three months, six months? A year?”

And so, today is the last day of my 30s.  It is time to not only evaluate where I am for my birthday, for the next year, but to set goals and develop a roadmap for the next decade.  Am I happy with where I am?  Yes and No.   Is there room for growth?  Always.   Is the person I am today different from the person I was a decade ago?  Definitely.  How so?  I’ve been through a long-term relationship; I’ve moved around the city a few times, I’m more independent than I was when that last relationship ended five years ago. I have more people in my life now than ever before, I have a few very close friends—which is something I’ve never really had before.

The thirties were a transitional time for me.  I’ve grown as a person, as a musician, and as a friend.  I’ve lost people along the way. There have been estrangements. On the whole, the thirties have me poised to move into my forties poised to create a better life for myself. And, I believe I have, at this point in my life, a better support system than I have ever had at any point before. 

Here’s my confession:  I’m still working out the specifics of where my forties will take me.  But, as I look at this benchmark, I look at it with a great deal of hope for my future. I am more confident now than I ever have been and know that I can and will make changes in my life. I can make a difference not only in my own life, but in the lives of others.  The advice I’ve been giving myself is to not take everything all in one big chunk.  That’s the only way to be successful. 

And so, I’m formulating the plan.  Within a few days, I’ll put all those ideas down with pen and paper, and map out the next section of my life.  I think my problem in goal setting is that I set too many goals at one time and become bogged down.  I will examine one or two things at a time that need tweaking and move to the next.  It’s my life, it’s my dream, and nothing’s gonna stop me now.